I didn't think that this summer would be nearly what it ended up being.
I didn't think that i would stand in a hospital room and watch my grandfather knowing that he would soon die.
I didn't think that I would hook-up with my best friend have two friends both fall in love with me or that i would make out with the delinquent who i had crushed on for all four of my high school years... and I didn't think that i was going to miss someone like i used to miss my ex-boyfriend...
Yet all these things have been happening and all i want is to just go to college. When I went to orientation i thought that adulthood had finally decided to present itself to me- in a cramped triple and community showers.
All that i find myself wanting to do, right now- at this very moment, is break down and cry. Cry for the years that have past and the things that i had been through and the things that i had put people through. I was not a saint and i was a close and unappreciated friend.
But that's what life is- not being appreciated and losing the things that you knew that you loved (yet secretly knew that you could not keep forever).
Tomorrow i want to set off fireworks into the night air-. i want to watch the sparks fly and the colors illuminate the night. I want to do this because i want to feel like there is something a little magical about this world.
Ever since i was a little girl i wanted the world to have little secret treasures hidden all about it- but i have found it to be much harder to come by such things then i had thought. So i want to create one. Tomorrow night. For a few seconds from when the fuse it lit to when the flames die down.
And i am going to cry.
For growing up.
For losing love.
For losing myself.
For the relief of moving on.
-Christine
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